It amazes me that, almost daily, I wake up knowing my new clothes won't fit. That I re-gained 35 lbs overnight. The clothes always fit. The funny thing is I never worry about gaining the weight back. Im not going to do that. Instead I have an irrational fear of it appearing again overnight.
I feel the way I think I look. Daily I feel fat. My butt feels large and protruding. Soft and flabby.
My stomach flaps in the breeze. It never has gotten completely flat.
I have "bumps" on my hips (this one is actually true - its genetic). Bo says women are supposed to have curves. Thank god for foreign men who love curves!
But this isnt about Bo. This is about me and the fact I cant accept I finally lost the weight. I tried for so many years - from age 23 until age 39 when I finally reached my goal. That is a lot of years to have the same body and I can't accept that it is gone.
As I sit here and compose, My hips feel large, my butt feels like it is melting like butter over the leather of the chair and my stomach sticks out a bit from my shorts, belly button squeezed tight as I slouch. This is what prompted me to write down what I have been feeling for some time. Because if I write it I will see how ridiculous it sounds. At least the overnight weight-gain part.
My butt still feel big.
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