On Turning 40

The change would come at 30.  That exact day, in fact.  I was sure of it.  I would become a number, and an old one at that.

And I worried about it.  An entire year of days, hours consumed with apprehension.  I thought I would feel different somehow.  Life would be different somehow.

That day dawned as any other, and nothing happened.

But there was a metamorphosis, just not that day.  Or on any other solitary day. But over the course of my 3rd decade, an evolution was occurring.  An awakening of a power I had never experienced.  Confidence.

Now I approach 40.  And I celebrate.  I will love 40 like a love that finds you contentment.  With the silent determination of someone who knows who she is.  Who believes.

The journey has been hard.  And long.  And sometimes I envy those who knew who they were at  20, 25, 30.  But in other ways, I am the lucky one.  My journey has taken me through hills and valleys, job changes and city changes.  I had the chance to grow.  I am so incredibly different from the child I once was.  The culmination of experiences, of choices made, of lessons learned, led me here.

I feel a quiet confidence.  I have friends who don't share my opinions.  I have a husband who is the polar opposite in personality.  But confidence allows me to retain my invidiuality while sharing life space.  And I have the past 39 years to thank for it.

I cant wait to turn 40.  I cant wait to see what other surprises life holds for me. But I'm not worried about where I will end up.  I approach each day, grateful for the journey.